It's becoming a birthday tradition to go to the zoo. Jake took Friday off, and we all went to the zoo. I don't think we've ever taken the time to see all the animals in one trip. We had a blast.
After the zoo, we headed downtown to an ice cream shop to continue the celebration. Justice loved ice cream, so it seemed appropriate. Lots of friends around the country joined the celebration by treating themselves to ice cream.
That night, Jake took off to go hunting, and Hollie, Julia, the girls and I headed to the St. Francis NICU with homemade cookies. Justice, the girls and I took some last year, and I wanted to continue the tradition. Many thanks to my friends who encouraged me to do so. I was very apprehensive about going to the NICU seeing how I just about had a panic attack a couple weeks ago when I went to see my doctor who delivered Justice. We went after the evening shift change hoping to see some of the staff I knew the best. I also figured it would be the least busy then. Boy was I in for a surprise. When JW was in the NICU, I went every night at 8, after the shift change. 99% of the time, I was the only parent waiting to be let in at 8. Others would trickle in slowly after the NICU reopened at 8, but I was usually the only one waiting. We got to the hospital at 7:55 and there were 4 other people waiting to be let in. While we waited, one of the mothers, L, mentioned that her son, J, had been in for 92 days already. I said Justice spent 98 days in the NICU. We got to talking and found we had very similar stories. Talking eventually led to her asking how he was doing now and how old he was. I really hated to tell a current NICU mom that my son had passed. The NICU reopened but we spent another 5 minutes or so in the hall talking.
When we finally entered the NICU, she went to her son's room, and I spoke to the secretary for a few minutes. She told me we could walk through the NICU and see who was working. We started down the hallway and L came out of her son's room and asked me if I wanted to meet him. I was honored. I spent a few minutes with them and after talking some more, she realized that K, the respiratory therapist whose heart Justice stole, had already told her our story. In the meantime, H, one of the NNPs came over to see us. I stepped out of J's room to talk to her. As with all the NICU staff, H is a gem. She was on duty the night Justice was born and one time mentioned to me that she spent that first night pretty much at JW's bedside all night. While I was talking to H, L's husband D showed up. He seemed a little surprised to see a welcoming committee outside his son's room. He introduced himself to me, and L came out and said she would tell him more about us later.
We continued our tour of the NICU. As we were leaving, I pointed out the photo collage of JW on the bulletin board that I had made for his 1st birthday. Under the collage was another picture. I started to say that the baby in the picture looked kind of like JW, and then I realized it was JW. The NICU staff had taken it last July when I took him in for a visit. It was awesome to see a picture of him I hadn't already looked at 5,000 times.
Visiting the NICU ended up being a lot easier than I expected and was kind of therapeutic. So much so, I went back today. I felt like I needed to do something for J and his mom. So I took L a card and a couple of JW's preemie clothes. My plan was to just hand it to the secretary and leave, but the nurse who let me in told me J's dad was there and I could just take it back to him myself. D was surprised to see me and told me L would be there shortly and would love to see me. In the meantime, Dr. P and S, one of the NNPs came to talk to me. Dr. P took me to her office and showed me the memorial plaque they had made. It's beautiful. They plan on hanging it in the NICU Resource Center, and will have a little dedication ceremony sometime soon. Jake, the girls and I will be there for it.
While I was talking with Dr. P, S and T, a PA, L arrived. (Did you catch all that?) She was excited to see me, especially since she never thought she'd see me again. It felt good to do something for her and her son. I think I might start volunteering at the NICU.
5 comments:
Tiff, i just think this is so amazing. i think you were so brave to do that. wow. and look what God already did..you are able to come alongside someone else's journey..i know it must be hard having to say that he did pass, but you endured that journey! and God gave you what you needed and the courage and strength he gave you for it i think is nothing short of miraculous. what a testament to the Lord! i think you are being honored for your obedience to Him..and He is going to bring more of those people into your life that you can minister to having 'been there". i think it would be so hard but also healing to be a volunteer there at the NICU. you go girl. please know that i am still praying for you and thinking of you guys all the time..i pray that you are feeling Gods amazing love SO deeply...love you so much!
God bless you girl. I still panic every time I get to the hospital and have to go up "that" elevator. But I know that JW was giving you the strength and encouragement to do it.
And how beautiful to make a connection with another NICU mom. That's one of my missions - if I can make it any easier on another NICU mom, then it's not all in vain. The blessing of your sweet boy obviously continue in the hope you and he STILL bring to others. And to me.
Tiffany,
That is beautiful that you do that. My sister, every time she gets back here to Utah visits the NICU her little girl spent so long in. And like you, she lost her little girl too and it took her a while to come back to visit it, but she did and feels so good for doing it.
I think you would be a wonderful volunteer. It may be your calling in life for the community. What a wonderful thing for you to be able to do. God doesn't give us trials in vain. He gives them so we can be there for others that are meeting the same challenges. It all comes full circle and you are making beautiful use of that already. Never lose touch to that family. I will keep them in my prayers as well.
GOD BLESS
-Emily
You truly honor Justice's life..
Thinking of you.
Oh how you have grown!
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