One Year Ago - September 17, 2008

Where to start? All week I'd had a feeling that Justice would be delivered sooner rather than later. Fluid was going lower and lower. He was compressing his cord more and more. It was just getting to the point where it looked like JW would be better off out than in. Late on the 16th he started compressing his cord pretty regularly, and quite frankly I'm surprised my nurse wasn't coming in to check on us especially considering this was the same nurse that kind of freaked over some minor issues a few weeks before. Maybe she wasn't worried because I always managed to reposition myself and get JW off his cord, I don't know. I had a good bit of bleeding around 2 or 3 in the morning, and again, the nurse was a little nonchalant about it even though lesser issues had merited waking the on call doc other nights. I finally got in a position where JW wasn't constantly on his cord and fell into a good sleep.

Around 8 a.m. on the 17th, my day nurse, one of my favorites, woke me to tell me that Dr. R and Dr. M were reviewing the monitor strip from the night and that we might be delivering Justice that day, so don't eat breakfast. Dr. R and Dr. M came in shortly after that, possibly the first time they both were in my room at the same time, and said that while JW was looking good on the monitor now, he had several decels during the night. And also, "you're having regular contractions, about 2 minutes apart. Aren't you feeling that?" Dr. M asked me. I glanced at the strip, sure enough, regular but mild contractions. "Eh, kind of," I said. They were going to watch for another hour before deciding whether or not to deliver JW. I opted not to call Jake until I knew for sure. Ten minutes later Dr. M walked back in my room. "Game over. You're going in to labor." He'd predicted that labor was imminent so many times over my 6 weeks hospitalization, but this time there were regular contractions to back up the prediction. What were the chances he was wrong this time?

The c-section was scheduled for 11 a.m. (Because of the cord compression issues my docs didn't think JW would tolerate labor very well.) I called Jake and he said he'd leave work at 9:30 when he had his first break. By the time Jake arrived around 10, I was pretty well prepped for the surgery, and guess what, the contractions had stopped. (Yep, wrong again!) BUT Justice had started compressing his cord on a regular basis again. He's such a stinker. Even though contractions had stopped and JW wasn't in any immediate danger, it was determined it would still be safer to deliver him. He wasn't in distress, and he looked awesome when he wasn't on his cord. Jake, Dr. R and I all agreed it was better to deliver him while looked good, and avoid the possibility of delivering him via emergency c-section.

Around 10:30 I remembered that I had not informed Dr. R about my allergy to chromic sutures. Just a slightly vital bit of info that you think I might have mentioned prior to d-day! :) I'm glad I remembered though!

I'm so glad Dr. R was available to do the c-section that day. And thankful that her partner, Dr. A, was available to assist. I'd grown rather fond of both of them during my stay.

Jake and I thought that since we'd been through the c-section process before that we wouldn't be as nervous as when the girls were born. And we weren't. Until we got to the OR. Then it was like a we'd never done it before. Pure nerves and I don't believe any of it had to do with JW's prematurity. At least not on my part. My nervousness was completely related to the fact that I was about to be wide awake during major surgery, again.

Justice Wayne was born at 11:35 a.m. on September 17, 2008. He started crying, albeit softly, right away. I remember Dr. R making some comment about how much he was moving when she pulled him out. It was such a relief to hear him cry. After 6 weeks with almost no fluid, we didn't know what to expect. His initial APGAR score was 8 out of 10. Then he started having trouble breathing and the NICU team had to go ahead and ventilate him. Once he was stable they whisked him off to the NICU. Jake went with Justice while Dr. R and Dr. A finished stitching/stapling me up.

Just as they were about to take me to recovery, a nurse came in and said that JW weighed, 1040 grams, about 2 lbs 5 oz. Dr. R told me that was good. She said that it used to be any preemie below 1000 grams was very scary, these days it's the preemies below 500 grams that are cause for major concern.

I heard the nurses talking while I was in recovery. JW's placenta was about half the size it should have been and his amniotic sac was pretty much shredded.

I didn't get to go to the NICU to see JW when I left recovery because they were having trouble stabilizing him again. So instead of being wheeled through on my stretcher to see him, I got out of bed and into a wheel chair at 4 that afternoon, much sooner than I would have liked to get up after major surgery, to go see him. Ouch! I didn't plan on going back to the NICU that night because the first trip hurt so much, but by 9 I couldn't stay away, so back I went.

Now he's a year old. How did that happen? I look at my child and am just in awe of God's goodness. I am humbled that He chose our family for this miracle baby. God blessed us with a miracle. It goes beyond that first weekend in the hospital when I was told we would lose Justice and there was nothing that could be done about it and yet Justice and I hung on for 6 more weeks. God blessed us with a miracle when he gave Justice just enough fluid for those six weeks to allow his lungs to develop enough to survive. He blessed us with another miracle when, in spite of Justice's small, sickly placenta, he was the still size of an average 27 week preemie. I look at my long-lashed, green eyed, dimpled boy with the smile that could melt the coldest heart, and I am blessed.